Reconciling Eckhart Tolle

I speak a lot about Eckhart Tolle, mostly because he came into my life at a crucial time, when I was ending a one and a half year elation with being and was becoming, for lack of a better word, depressed. I was not happy with my life situation, I had broken up with my girlfriend, and even though I dumped her, I felt like shit about it. When I heard his words through my ipod for the first time, tears came to my eyes, and I knew he would change my life forever. I didn't know the road or how hard it would be at times, but it was a road I needed to walk.

One thing I did not know and was not prepared for was that everything that had previously motivated me would be ripped from me suddenly and completely. Before I devoted myself to Tolle's teachings, I had become a great student again (after being a C student for my first 3 semesters of college). Like, straight A's without even working that hard at a tough school. I was moving ahead in life, rather quickly. When I started adhering to Tolle's teachings, my grades suffered, drastically. Looking back now, this makes sense and is a very good thing. Plus, timing seemed to work out as I devoted myself to my studies right before finals and turned a B- semester into a B+, which is fine for my standards, especially considering where my head was at during this time.

I say this was a good thing because of what was previously motivating me. Essentially, I was blindly hurtling towards the future with the notion that good grades were my ticket to future happiness. Not exactly in line with Tolle's "happiness is now" mantra. I began to focus more on the present, on my breathing, on observing my thoughts and feeling the inner body. I simplified my life, finding value in the small things: sunlight, a warm breeze. Movement. The walls around me, the "empty" space that seemed to contain everything in our material world. And it began to amaze me. I was free from burden, free from my past, free from my shame. It was incredible, it was liberating, it was enlightening.

There is incredible value in flexing your mental muscles, in trying to control your thoughts, to cut off negative threads until they don't even bother to start. But it's tiring, and it pulls you away from your present situation to watch your thoughts all the time, it's almost counterproductive. Concepts like this need to be used in moderation, and I took it too far for too long and it fucked with me. I still see the value in his teachings, but you need to come to your own conclusions and realizations about the things he has to say in order for you to be happy.

To be happy, you must reconcile past, present, and future. Each has its place, and each has its value. We do not live in a world where somebody who only cares about the present strives for very long, it's too easy to identify with what you have and what you do to rely on not identifying with these things for happiness. To be blunt, it's easier to get your shit together and then blame that for your happiness than to let your shit fall apart and try to be happy in spite of it.

But, recently I realized that I needed to get back to Tolle's teachings, because I am once again striving towards the future, when all of my value will always be in the present moment. I can know what I want to do, what my purpose is, who I am and who I am meant to be. But I still need to relax and allow my attention to rest in the present moment. Not in what will be, but simply in what is. What I can do now. What I can offer now. That is where my power lies.

I think that I was drifting between extremes, and am currently looking for the happy medium. But, if you don't experience the extremes, you will not know the positive and negatives attached to them. When I am fully present, I am deeply content and the world fascinates me. Think of a car, of a lightbulb, of anything in your life and just how amazing it is that it is. (no typo, simple as that). When I am on my purpose, I am a productive machine, able to work endless hours for what I deem as valuable. Both of these are vitally important for an enlightened human being, but neither outlook suffices all the time. There is a time and a place for everything, and I went from completely emersing myself in Tolle's teachings to completely rejecting them, and now I am in the middle, finding value in both.